Genes In A Twist
by tielan
Summary: When three strangers come back through the gate with Teyla, Atlantis finds itself with a serious question of identity crisis on its hands. How are they going to get out of this one and what will the guys do for support if they can't? [COMPLETED]
1. Chapter 1

**NOTES:** This is a five-part story, completely finished, and will be posted at the rate of one chapter every couple of days. It's gen, drama, team, and humour. Feedback is always welcome.

**Genes In A Twist - Part One**

Colonel Sheppard's team was four hours overdue returning from their planet.

Nothing unusual there, but as the wormhole established, Elizabeth felt a small ray of hope that this might be them. John and his team managed to get into so much trouble - a corollary of having four very remarkable individuals in the one place at the one time.

Right now, there was no other Atlantis team off-world except John's. They'd set out yesterday to look at a set of ruins within walking distance of the Stargate. From what the initial survey had found, the ruins were uninhabited and the structures seemed sound enough to go into. Rodney had promptly demanded they be allowed to go.

The blue glow of the event horizon flickered through the room, and she glanced at Sergeant Miller. The young Canadian tech looked back with a slight shrug. "No IDC, no-- Wait." He began typing. "We're getting a radio signal--"

"Atlantis?"

Elizabeth looked at Miller, who was also getting the signal. The voice wasn't anyone she recognised - a woman's voice, but not Teyla's.

"Atlantis come in. Elizabeth... Elizabeth Weir? Look, I know you're hearing this." Someone muttered something in the background. Then, softer, as though the woman had taken her mouth away from the radio, "Oh, they can hear us. Trust me on this. They're just not responding."

Astonished at the identification and the exchange, Elizabeth answered. "This is Dr. Weir."

"Elizabeth!" The strange woman's voice got louder again. "Look, we've got Teyla unconscious here, possibly injured. We need you to send the Doc out here right away."

Teyla unconscious, probably injured - and nothing about the three men who'd left with her yesterday. Elizabeth was instantly suspicious. "I'm sorry, who is this? Where are Colonel Sheppard, Dr. McKay and Ronon Dex?"

"This is--" A pause. "A friend." There was a muttered conference in the background. "And Teyla's the only one we've found." There was another pause, this time without the conference. When the woman came back on, she sounded slightly desperate. "Look, get Beckett here. You can add a group of marines if you like - Lorne by preference. But you have to get someone out here. We're--" The pauses were becoming annoying. "We'd like to believe this isn't happening to us right now, but... Elizabeth, just send the damned Doc out!"

On the other end of the transmission, Elizabeth was becoming freaked, too. The woman seemed to know entirely too much about Atlantis, and the planet hadn't shown any signs of occupation when the MALP went through.

A million scenarios ran through her head, from a Wraith attack that the men hadn't been able to escape to an underground culture like the Gennii, to an unexpected ambush, to... well, _anything_.

John really did know how to find trouble like no-one else. Elizabeth hesitated only a moment. Teyla was injured and might need Carson's help. Everything else was secondary to that.

"You understand that I won't be authorising anything that I think might endanger my people?"

"I wouldn't expect anything less," came the terse answer. "Just get them out here so they can fix this!"

Elizabeth had misgivings - dozens of them. She could manage them - as the leader of Atlantis, she had to. "We'll close the gate and dial out to you. Atlantis, out."

"S-- Okay. Out."

The wormhole shut down and she turned to Sergeant Miller who interrupted her neatly. "I've got Dr. Beckett on his way to the gateroom with emergency supplies. Major Lorne and his team are just gearing up, now."

Problem solvers. There were days when Elizabeth loved living in a city full of people who were instinctive problem solvers - they got things done.

"Thank you, Sergeant," she smiled briefly. "Please also call the probe techs to get one of the basic probes geared up for going through the Stargate. I'm not going to send anyone through without first being sure it's safe first." Whatever had gotten to John, Rodney, Ronon, and Teyla might still be around - and while she hated to be suspicious of the very concerned stranger, she had to be. More lives than just Teyla's rested on Elizabeth's shoulders.

"Dr. Weir?"

"Sergeant?"

"Wasn't the planet Colonel Sheppard's team went to uninhabited?"

She nodded, although her thoughts were elsewhere. The strange woman had known a lot about Atlantis - too much for a mere stranger - from Carson's name to the most likely officer to be sent off-world.

A roiling feeling began in the pit of her stomach. Something wasn't right.

"Elizabeth?" Carson crossed the control room, a medical carry-kit in his hand. "Teyla's injured?"

"That's the report we have," Elizabeth calmed herself and signalled for Miller to dial the gate.

Down on the gateroom floor, the probe was being readied by a couple of industrious techs. Lorne and his team strolled in a few minutes later. Lorne climbed the steps up to the control room, adjusting his earpiece.

"Ma'am. Colonel Sheppard in trouble again?"

She gave him a severe look for that bit of levity. "I hope not," she said. "We have Teyla injured on the planet and apparently no sign of the Colonel and the rest of his team. I'll be sending you in advance of Dr. Beckett - keep an eye out for trouble, and get them back here as soon as possible."

Even as she spoke, the probe was being trundled through the Stargate, and they turned their gazes to the screen where the signal was coming back.

There were three people visible on the screen - three women dressed in plain shifts cinched in at the waist by a leather-like belt, and wearing soft boots on their feet. _Not anyone we've met before,_ Elizabeth thought. The style of dress were unfamiliar to her - and all three looked very uncomfortable as they stood with their hands away from their bodies trying to look harmless. The tall one wasn't succeeding very well - it was something about the way she held herself, tense and proud.

Teyla lay at the feet of the closest one, on her side in the recovery position, clearly unconscious. She seemed unhurt, although Carson leaned forwards, peering closer to try to determine her state.

The probe eye swivelled to check out the surrounding field. Nothing and no-one, just the three women and Teyla.

"See, we're not hiding anything," said the closest woman aggressively, taking a step towards the probe. "Send the Doc through!"

Carson started down the stairs without waiting for Elizabeth's permission. She nodded at the major who hurried down after the medic. Lorne and his men would precede Carson, make sure that the area was clear before giving the okay. Even the probe could miss things.

She watched on the screen as the Major and his team fanned out from the gate, their hands resting on their weapons.

"Nice to see you got here," came the familiar voice, slightly acid. "Where's Beckett?"

Carson walked through the Stargate at that moment, followed by one of his aides. As he appeared on the other side, Lorne spoke into his mouthpiece. "We'll report back in ten minutes, ma'am."

"Thank you, Major. Atlantis out."

The wormhole shut down.

In the next ten minutes, Elizabeth went into her office, typed up a quick report on the incident, and pondered what could have possibly happened to the three missing men. Between the three of them, they had more than enough resources to get out of most situations - with Teyla, the four of them were nigh-unstoppable; at least one reason why Elizabeth kept allowing them to put themselves in danger.

Sometimes, Elizabeth wanted to call up old General Hammond and tell him she knew _exactly_ how he'd felt while supervising SG-1. Hopefully she wouldn't be bald by the time she was sixty, though.

The gate began dialling as she finished off the mini-report - nothing more than a notification, although given the absences of the Colonel, Rodney, and Ronon, she expected the final report to be considerably longer.

"Sergeant?"

"Atlantis, this is Major Lorne." There was a suspicious ebullience to Lorne's voice. In the background, she could hear someone muttering beneath his or her breath. Elizabeth turned to Sergeant Miller and mouthed '_Visuals?_'

The visuals came up on the screen - Major Lorne standing, talking into his microphone, his team-mates a bit behind him, not-quite talking to the three women who were standing in a defensive cluster behind them. She could just see the edge of Carson's head as he tended to Teyla.

"Major? Report, please."

"Well, the Doc says there's nothing wrong with Teyla that he can find, but the three...uh...women are a little more difficult." Lorne glanced at the women, a smile playing on his lips. In the background, the shortest of the three women scowled.

_A little more difficult?_ Elizabeth tried to work out what that might mean and came up blank. "Major?"

"The Doc wants to bring Teyla back through, and he thinks it's best that you talk to these...uh...women yourself."

There was a snigger somewhere in the background, then a cough. Lorne's face straightened, but he looked like he very badly wanted to laugh.

"Major?" She was beginning to get really worried by this. First the men of Colonel Sheppard's team vanished, leaving only Teyla, now Major Lorne was acting strange. "Are you sure everything's okay?"

"Ma'am, they are no danger to the city. I promise you that."

A muttered comment from behind him made him convulse, biting his lip to keep from laughing.

If she'd been worried before, she was becoming _very_ worried now.

Unconvinced, Elizabeth went for more information. "Put Carson on."

Carson took up a radio. "They're fine, Elizabeth. Teyla's unconscious, but I don't think it's dangerous yet. There's no sign of brain trauma, but I'd like to get her back to Atlantis and run an MRI and a CAT scan on her, just in case."

"And the women?"

Again, she saw the glimmer of mirth in Carson's expression, although he contained it better than the major. "They're safe. I'm going to need to run some tests on them, too."

She wanted to ask who they were, but that might be overheard and construed as impolite. And those women might be their only chance of finding out where the missing three men were.

"And there's no sign of Colonel Sheppard, Rodney, or Ronon?"

"Oh, there are signs," Carson said with a twinkle in his eye, "but the Major's right. They aren't dangerous to the city, and they'll need to come to Atlantis to get it all sorted out."

She trusted Carson's estimation - even if that twinkle was worrying. "All right," Elizabeth said. "Bring them through now."

On the screen, she watched as the stretcher carrying Teyla was lifted to be taken through the open Stargate behind the probe. The three women followed, ushered in by Lorne and Lorne's team, and she headed down to the gateroom, to meet the group.

"Ladies, welcome to Atlantis..." Elizabeth began.

Lieutenant Mayhew choked on his laughter, and the shortest of the three women turned a sour, blue gaze on him.

"I think this can wait until we're in one of the private conference rooms," said the foremost woman, her expression set in the grim lines of someone who knew the joke was on them. And without a further word, she began up the stairs towards the main debriefing room.

Elizabeth later said she had a glimmer of comprehension right then, especially when the second woman - the tallest, with strong features, no more than thirty - followed the first, shooting Elizabeth an inscrutable look as she passed. She turned to the third one, who wore an expression of petulance on what had probably once been a fine-boned face before time and age softened the features. "We are never going to live this down, you know." The woman stumped off after the first two, her gait...odd.

"Major? Do you want to explain this?" Elizabeth was beginning to get very worried.

Lorne looked a little more serious now. "I think you'd better hear it from them, ma'am."

She walked into the room and paused before her seat. The three women were already seated, and as Carson came in behind Lorne's team, the leader pointed at the door controls. Carson touched it and the room sealed.

The third woman spoke almost as soon as the room was closed. "Before anyone says anything, I would like to emphasise that this is _not my fault!_ I'm not the one who walked into the room and made everything light up!" He glared at the black-haired leader.

"And who was it who said, '_I'm sure it's okay to fiddle around with!_'"

"It usually is! They're the Ancients - they don't make machines that...that do this sort of thing!"

"Well, evidently they _do_, because we weren't like this last night."

_Oh. My. God._

"Enough!" Elizabeth cried into the conversation, overriding both women.

All eyes were on her as she looked at the three women, starting with the brown-haired woman whose long hair was tied back in dreadlocks and finishing with the hazel-eyed leader whose pleading expression Elizabeth was used to seeing on a considerably more masculine face.

_This is not happening. No, really, it's not. It can't be, because it's impossible_.

Sooner or later, Elizabeth thought, she was going to have to redefine the term 'impossible' - here in Pegasus, it never seemed to mean what it had meant on Earth.

"John?"

"Johanna," retorted the shortest of the three women.

"Shut up, _Rhonda_," snapped 'Johanna'. "Yes. It's us."

She felt for the edge of the table, lowered herself carefully into a chair. This was...scary. And weird. She glanced at them, then at the still-amused major and his team, then at Carson who looked like he was in deadly earnest. "Prove it."

The leader glared at her - a surprisingly direct glare. That in itself almost convinced her. Women were more tuned in to their emotions, but less direct at expressing them, particularly the negative ones. Then she - he? - huffed, eyes narrowed. "Thalen once told Phoebus exactly what he'd do to her if he had her at his mercy. It's one of the reasons why she hated him so much."

Elizabeth stiffened, eyes widening. Yes, she remembered that memory, distant and fading, not actually her own, but Phoebus' mockery of Thalen's leering comment had been in the kiss she planted on her hated enemy - and on Elizabeth's friend and colleague.

But that recollection was disturbing. She turned to the second 'woman'. "Rodney?"

He clicked his fingers several times, trying to think of something. "When Kolya had us during he storm, we were sitting out on the balcony trying to conserve body heat. You called me gentlemanly." It was more than a little eerie to see Rodney's smug expression on a woman's face, but it convinced Elizabeth.

That was a better memory, even through the long, cold, uncertain hours as they waited for news of John to come back. Her lips curved in a brief smile remembering the arm Rodney offered her. "You were," she answered, trying not to be disconcerted by the entirely feminine face looking back at her, "_Then_."

Ronon didn't wait for her to say his name. S/he smirked, knowingly. "Whipped cream and the preserves jar."

Everyone in the room did a double take at that, and Elizabeth fixed him with a brief glare before she met the wide eyes of the other men in the room. "It was a _conversation_," she said, her tone of voice warning them that they'd better not jump to the wrong conclusions, even if her complexion wasn't going to play ball.

Carson sat back, and Lorne's expression turned neutral, but the black-haired woman - it was definitely John's hair, anyway - arched a brow at Ronon, who shrugged, then winced, then kept smirking.

Elizabeth took a deep breath. They were who they were - at least in mind.

In body...

"You're..."

"Women, yes," said Rodney briskly. "Look, after we got through the gate yesterday, we went straight for the ruins and found an old man camping out there."

"A hobo," John added. "He was half-mad, rambling about crazy stuff."

"We tried getting some sense out of him, but..." Rodney shrugged.

"We wandered around the ruins, Rodney poked things." John shot a venomous glare at Rodney. At least some things hadn't changed. "There was a flash of light and when we woke up..."

"When we woke up, we were women," said Ronon. 'His' voice was disconcertingly alto, although it retained some aspects of the resonant quality of his masculine voice, it was definitely a woman's voice. Elizabeth glanced at him and was caught by the wry humour in the tanned features. Of the three once-men, it looked like Ronon was the most philosophical about it - at least for the moment. It was...weird, to say the least.

"In that clothing."

He shrugged.

Elizabeth looked at the others. "But Teyla was still...Teyla?"

"Well, of course she is," said the woman who'd once been Rodney. "She's always been a woman!"

It was definitely Rodney. Nobody else could try her patience like this. "I was suggesting that since you were changed into women, maybe Teyla was changed into a man."

The three not-women exchanged glances and shrugged as they turned back to Elizabeth. "She looked the same," Ronon said.

"We didn't check," John said, dry as any humorist.

Elizabeth nodded. The infirmary nurses would have contacted them if there'd been any issues with Teyla. Still, she looked at the erstwhile women sitting at the table before her and concluded that there was no delicate way to say this. "You're...quite sure you're women?" She got three very disgusted looks. "Okay." Pure practicality forced her to admit, "You know, this sounds..."

"Farfetched?" John said.

"Crazy," she returned, then looked at Carson helplessly. "Could they have been...transported into female bodies?"

The doctor shrugged, more serious than the soldiers who were still finding the situation funny with expressions that couldn't quite hide their amusement. "It's possible, but there's a...certain resemblance..."

Elizabeth had to admit it was true. The men - former men? - while retaining their minds, also seemed to have retained some basic genetic characteristics. Feminised, of course, but still...them.

"Look, we need to go back there," said John. "Whatever did this has to be able to undo it." And there, again, was the note of desperation in his - _her_ voice.

Elizabeth looked from Rodney to John to Ronon. "And if it can't?"

"Don't even suggest that," Rodney said sharply. S/he sounded a little desperate as well.

Carson shrugged. "I'll have to run some tests on them," he said. "Mostly to see if these bodies are them just...female."

"Might it wear off?" Lorne offered. He seemed to have made it past the amusement stage, at least.

"Like a...a..."

Rodney snorted. "Like a spell?"

"Well, when was the last time you heard of people changing sex without surgery involved?"

Elizabeth saw John's hand twitch. Rodney was less controlled - his hand made it to the edge of the table before his mind remembered he no longer had the body part he was instinctively reaching for - and that no surgery had been involved. Judging by Ronon's slightly quizzical air, the Satedans had never made it to the 'sex change operation' stage in their civilisation.

"Go with Carson," she said, making the decision. They could argue this until the twelfth of never. "Get the tests run. We still haven't heard from Teyla."

"Get dressed in something that isn't so airy," Ronon murmured, shifting his..._her_ legs.

This time, Elizabeth couldn't help the smile, although it vanished as John added "And we don't want the whole base to know."

"Or even half of it," said Rodney.

Which explained the conference room and the closed doors. "You do know the rumour mill will be working overtime on this?" Carson asked.

He would know, too. The infirmary was a hotbed of gossip gleaned from patients as they lay around to the tidbits that the nurses picked up as they went through the base. Gossip tended to collect at the infirmary - so much so that Carson had once exclaimed they should just call the place 'the grapevine' and have done with it.

John sat up and leaned forward. "Look," he said forcefully, "trust me on this, it's better that very few people know about this until _after_ we're back to normal."

One of the soldiers looked disappointed.

"I agree," Elizabeth said, firmly. As a woman in a leadership position, she was very aware of the criticisms and denigrations that came her way - and Atlantis was chiefly a civilian expedition. A woman in John's position, in an organisation as male-shaped and male-dominated as the US Air Force... Never mind that John seemed exactly the same in his mindset; the soldiers he was supposed to be commanding would look at him and see a woman, and that would colour their perceptions immediately.

No, this incident was best kept behind closed doors - at least for the moment. Afterwards, well, it might be funny afterwards, but for the moment and for the good of the expedition, the fewer people that knew now, the better.

Elizabeth turned the full force of her authority on Lorne and his team. "I shouldn't need to tell you that these events aren't to be discussed around the base." Lorne nodded, then glanced at his team for their assurance. "As far as the rest of the expedition is concerned, you returned with three strangers who will be staying with us for a while."

"A very short while," muttered John, leaning on his forearms on the table. "I hope."

From the expressions on the faces of his now-female team-mates it looked like John wasn't the only one with that hope.

- **TBC** -


	2. Chapter 2

**SUMMARY**: Carson studies the Colonel and his team with some bemusement.

**Genes In A Twist - Part Two**

There was no denying that they behaved like the men they'd used to be.

It wasn't anything as crude as belching, swearing, or scratching their balls, but now that he knew who they were, the difference between them and real women was very marked.

"It's not like we're any different," grumbled Rodney as he opened his mouth for Carson to take a swab of cheek cells for the PCR test.

"Other than being women," said Ronon from across the room. He seemed to be taking the sex change considerably better than either of his team-mates. Presumably the immediacy of the Wraith meant that philosophical discussion about gender roles and sexual discrimination wasn't really given much consideration among the Satedans. Certainly, Teyla's people were fluid and flexible in their roles: if something needed doing, whether hunting or cooking, it was done by whoever was to hand and best suited for the job.

Of course, some degree of the self was wrapped up in the body, and with the body came sex, and with sex, gender. And gender came with a lot of baggage - at least on Earth.

Even the walk from the conference room to the infirmary had produced reactions from those they passed.

Curiosity was the foremost reaction, which came as no surprise. Three strangers being escorted through the base was news enough. What was slightly more worrying was the quick head-to-toe summary that most of the men gave the erstwhile women.

There weren't any leers - the men on the expedition were trained better than that - this was just the once-over most heterosexual men gave a woman upon meeting her. Laura had explained this to Carson over dinner one evening. "_They look. Most of them don't mean anything by it, but when you're a woman in the military, you get judged on your face first and your competence second._"

And the three former men grew visibly uncomfortable beneath those gazes.

Carson wondered if he could get Elizabeth to authorise bringing Kate into all this. After all, she was the base psychologist. And there would certainly be issues if this set of circumstances continued for more than a couple of hours.

"We're not women, Ronon," Sheppard said shortly, his eyes narrowed at the close-mouthed Taiwanese nurse who wasn't at all fazed by the Colonel's glare. "We're still us."

"Other than being women." Ronon repeated.

"We are _not_--" The Colonel cut off his statement as Kia held up the cotton bud - what the Americans called 'q-tips'- pointing it towards his mouth.

Swabs from the inside of the cheek were providing the genetic samples Carson needed to perform a PCR test on them. They'd also drawn blood and would run a few tests on those samples. It might take a couple of hours, but at least they'd have some information about whatever had happened to the men: whether they were still genetically male - in which case the question was how their bodies had been 'remoulded' into female form, or if they were now genetically female - in which case there were a whole new set of issues to look at.

The other thing that worried him, more than a little, was genetic Chimerism, where a person had two different DNA patterns. It was possible that the men were still 'male' in some of their cells, while others - most noticeably the ones that made up their physical appearance - were 'female'. Which then presented the problem of exactly how to DNA type them.

So many possibilities of the human body and so little knowledge of all the variations and how to deal with them!

"All right," said Carson, having sealed up the DNA samples. "We've got your DNA, weighed and measured you all. Go get into something more comfortable."

He was fixed by two very direct stares.

"What?" Rodney yelped.

"Slip into something _more comfortable_?" Sheppard asked with a pointedness that was close to fury.

Carson tried for reasonable as he wondered if it was too early for them to be exhibiting signs of hormonal fluctuations. "Colonel, I don't imagine those outfits are very comfortable. If you want to stay in them, you might get some odd looks. I thought you'd want to get back into your fatigues."

After a moment, the anger faded. "Yeah," Sheppard said briskly, "I'd like to get back into some decent clothes."

"I'd like something with a bit of support," Ronon noted. At a blank look from the other two, 'he' tapped his chest.

The other two glanced down at their own breasts as though finally realising that they'd need support for the 'extra flesh'. Rodney looked horrified and began feeling himself up with no regard for how it might appear. "My God, I'm huge. Really huge."

Carson choked with helpless laughter and saw the other nursing aide - a middle-aged woman whom he'd picked for both her discretion and her sense of humour - turn away, her shoulders shaking. Exactly how Rodney had managed to ignore that he was now somewhat top-heavy was something Carson would never know.

Sheppard had a sour expression on as he regarded his own significant mammarial increase. The Colonel seemed to have managed to acquire a rather curvaceous body type, compared with Ronon who'd managed to end up with an athletic build and not much breast at all. On the other hand, Ronon had also lost a good six to eight inches of height and some thirty to forty pounds of muscle.

Rodney didn't look like he'd lost any weight at all. She wasn't exactly plump, but she was tending that way - give it another ten years and most of her weight would be around the hips and waist...

_I'm predicting Rodney's body type,_ Carson thought to himself. _Rodney's body type as a woman. Oh, Lord..._

"You're going to need something for that," he managed, dragging his mind back to the conversation at hand. "Sue?"

Sue got control of her expression, although she was still smiling. "Well, I think there might be several women on the base who are the right size... I could ask."

Carson looked at the three.

"Discreetly," Sheppard said after a moment.

The aide nodded, still smiling, then coughed and briskly took herself off, passing an incoming nurse on the way.

"Dr. Beckett? You wanted to know when Teyla woke up?"

Carson handed the DNA samples to Kia, indicating that they were to go to the PCR preparation area, and she nodded and walked off behind Sheppard, Rodney, and Ronon, all of whom had gotten up to go see Teyla.

It struck Carson quite forcibly that they didn't walk like women.

All three men had been shifting somewhat edgily during the various processes, a slight movement from side to side, as though they couldn't quite get comfortable.

Maybe they couldn't. After all, a rather vital piece of male equipment was no longer present, and that had to make a man feel slightly...naked. Even if they weren't in male bodies, the three were essentially male in their history, in their memory, in their thought processes and patterns.

_They're quite literally men trapped in women's bodies._

Which, Carson imagined, wasn't quite as funny as everyone else had initially found the situation. And would swiftly become very _un_funny if it couldn't be reversed.

"Teyla?" That was Sheppard, standing right up beside the bed, at a range where she couldn't ignore him - if she'd even been trying.

She was half-sitting up in the bed, one hand pressed to her forehead as though to ward away a headache. At the Colonel's query, she opened one eye, then the other. She looked at him without any comprehension, then at Rodney, then Ronon - all with the same blank expression.

Carson stepped around to the other side of the bed, indicating that Sheppard should back off. In his present form, Teyla wouldn't recognise him, and the sight of three strangers would probably confuse her. "Teyla?"

At his voice, she took her hand from her head and opened her mouth, then stopped. Her eyes flickered to her hand, remaining there for a long moment.

Carson felt the beginnings of fear unwind in him. "Do you remember anything, Teyla?"

"I..." She dragged her gaze away from her hand, and then looked at Carson. "Doctor?"

"Yes. You're back in Atlantis now, Teyla."

"Atlantis?" The dark eyes looked around her at the infirmary, dazed. There was something like confusion in her expression and Carson began to worry. "Teyla?"

Then she looked back at the three men - well, _women_ - standing on the other side of her bed. The moment stretched out and her team-mates shifted somewhat uncomfortably. Slow recognition began to dawn. "Colonel?"

Sheppard grimaced, the female features turning sour. "Yeah."

The change was instant. A broad smile spread across her face, and she began to laugh.

"It's not that funny," said Ronon, frowning a little. Sheppard looked similarly discombobulated, while Rodney's sulky expression was back.

And Teyla kept laughing. Loudly. Her laughter rang through the infirmary, bold and strong, and with an edge that Carson thought was close to hysterical. Certainly, it wasn't Teyla's usual amusement.

"Teyla?" A finger at her wrist checked her pulse, but it seemed normal, not elevated. She wasn't having a fit or a hysterical interlude, it was just laughter.

Loud, steady laughter that was very unlike Teyla at all.

Her laughter stopped suddenly as she winced, her hand going to her forehead again as she leaned back. "Oh, that hurts. I think I'm going to lie down again..."

"But you can't just do that!" Rodney burst out. "We need to know what you saw - if anything happened differently for you. Did you fall asleep with the flash of light? Do you feel any different?"

Her eyes had shut and she was shaking her head. "There was a bright flash of light. That's all." She winced, her hand pushing at her brow.

"Teyla?" Carson asked, suddenly concerned. "Does your head hurt? I can give you some aspirin..."

"It's just a headache," she said abruptly, opening her eyes. "It'll be better for some sleep."

It was more like a dismissal than anything else, delivered flatly and with little room for protest.

Of course, _little room_ wasn't the same as _no room_. "How can you sleep at a time like this? We need you to remember what you saw so we can get changed back!" Carson winced. While he could understand Rodney's frustration, the female voice made the words sound even whinier than Rodney's usual grumbling.

"Teyla," Sheppard's fingers touched her wrist, anxious. "Are you okay?"

Teyla looked up at him. "I'm fine, Colonel," she said. "But I could do with some rest, if you please."

Rodney opened his mouth to protest again, Ronon caught Carson's eye, and grabbed Rodney by the arm and towed him out. "We'll find some clothes." Even as a woman, it seemed Ronon was fairly strong. Rodney tried to struggle but found himself dragged along.

"What? No! I mean, yes, but Teyla might-- There's no need to--"

Sheppard followed them as Rodney's protests dimmed, but turned back at the door. "You don't remember anything?"

Teyla shook her head. "Nothing." Sheppard gave Teyla a long look, then a brief half-smile and nod and went. The door closed behind her and the others, and Teyla turned to Carson, her eyes pleading. "No more questions, please. I'm tired."

Tiredness wasn't unusual in someone who'd been unconscious for a while. If the flash of light or whatever had injured her in some way, then her body would pull all its resources into getting better, which meant she'd sleep more.

"No more questions," Carson said in reassurance. "But I'm going to take a swab for the DNA test," he said, pulling out one of the cotton buds for the swab.

"DNA - but I am not--"

"It's just a precaution, Teyla," he reassured her. "We want to be sure that you're okay. It'll only take a moment."

She seemed reluctant to open her mouth, but Carson was insistent. Looking fine wasn't the same as being fine - as any doctor worth his salt knew. Besides, with the other three changed, there were too many questions about what had been done to them - and what might have been done to Teyla.

Once the sample was taken, he sealed up the swab and tucked it in his shirt pocket. "Rest for a couple of hours. You've been unconscious most of the day from the sound of it and I don't want you to fall unconscious again."

"I'll be fine," she said, shifting a little. "Can I go to my quarters?"

"I'd rather you didn't," Carson said. "We'd like to keep an eye on you for the moment. Like I said, you've been unconscious for most of the day and we don't know what happened to you while you were in the ruins."

She seemed sulky about it, but lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Carson paused to watch her at the door of the room. He had a vague sense of unease, as though something wasn't quite right. Oh, Teyla seemed hale and healthy, but...different. Perhaps it was just the contrast to the three 'women' who were quite clearly themselves in mind, but not in body, perhaps it was something more. He patted the DNA swab in his pocket; at any rate, the DNA test would tell them.

There was no sign of the trio when he returned to the outer ward.

"They went to find some clothing," said Sue, still smiling as she took the blood samples and began splitting them into the various test tubes they used for the blood tests. "They said they'd be back afterwards."

As it turned out, 'afterwards' was a little later than Carson expected.

For starters, they had to get cleaned up and find suitable clothing. Apparently this took nearly twice as long as it did for 'normal women'. Carson was tempted to ask what benchmark Sergeant Dachaus used to define a 'normal woman' but decided against it, figuring he didn't really want to know the answer.

Then Elizabeth called to say that she was holding a meeting with the trio and Lorne to jog their memories and she'd send them to him after, complete with the recording.

In the meantime, Carson set about preparing the samples for the PCR, defining the primers and setting up the thermal cycler. The four samples were put in and the machine started the slow process of charting the DNA fragments which would tell them a little more about the bodies the men were now in - and whether anything had happened to Teyla that they just couldn't see.

He also did a few more basic tests on the tissue samples they had. The results were...interesting.

Carson went through the tests results, contacted a few of his staff and rearranged some schedules so there'd be minimal traffic up this end of the infirmary. The last thing they needed or wanted was for this to become very public knowledge. It might have to go into a report somewhere, and there would inevitably be gossip, but Elizabeth would be able to keep it eyes-only for command and medical personnel. He hoped.

Around the two-hour mark, there was a groan from the next room.

He hurried in and found Teyla hunched over, her head resting in her hands.

Carson crossed the room "Teyla?"

"Doctor," she still seemed a little disoriented. "I don't think this is helping," she said.

"Too much sleep does that," he said. "Do you feel pain anywhere? Dizzy? Sick?"

She lifted dark eyes to him. "A little dizzy," she said. "I think I've been sleeping too long."

Carson nodded, patting her on the shoulder. "Well, go take a shower and come back when you're done. We'll be going over the others' tests then and I'd like you to be there."

Teyla nodded and left, striding briskly along.

He returned to his notes.

When the Colonel, Rodney, and Ronon did turn up, they were restless, shifting shoulders, twitching limbs, tugging at the edges of their clothing, trying to get comfortable, apparently unable to manage it.

As they seated themselves in the office Carson had chosen to discuss all this, he made a mental note to review the files on the incident where O'Neill, Jackson and Teal'c were swapped into each others' bodies - it might provide some insight on how to deal with this situation, although at least the body into which they'd been switched was male.

Rodney was the most restive of the three. She kept pulling at the side of her shirt.

"Stop that," Sheppard said. She - _he'd_ leaned back in his chair, apparently relaxed, and sitting...well, the way he usually sat, with his ankle resting on his knee. Ronon had his legs apart, and in spite of Carson's knowledge that it was a male mind in a female body, it was more than a little disturbing to see the typically male sprawl enacted by a feminine form.

"It doesn't fit right," Rodney muttered, still yanking at the black t-shirt. His breasts seemed to be causing him some discomfort.

"Seems to fit fine from where I'm sitting," Ronon remarked.

Rodney looked up, a dawning horror on her face. "You're checking me out!" Her voice was shrill. "Stop it!"

"Why? Sheppard's been doing it too."

Sheppard was going a lovely shade of pink that Carson had never seen on the man before. Of course, now Sheppard was a woman, so it wasn't exactly--

"It's a reflex action," the Colonel said. "Don't tell me you haven't been checking me and Ronon out."

"I would never--"

Sheppard ran right over Rodney's attempt at protest. "Don't worry, Rodney." She smiled a variation of that sour, cynical smile that usually indicated the man was making a point. "You're not my type - too shrill."

"Too shrill? Oh, that's wonderful."

"But reassuring," Ronon smirked.

Rodney turned to Carson, pointedly ignoring his team-mates. "So have you worked out how to reverse this yet?"

Carson stared. "I haven't even worked out what's been done to you," he said, more sharply than he'd intended. "Which is why I was planning to ask you questions now - or, at least, once Teyla gets here." At their expressions, he explained. "She went to have a wash and freshen up. Why don't you start at the beginning and she can join in when she gets--"

"Carson?" His earpiece came to life.

"Elizabeth?"

"Do you have...our guests with you?"

He glanced over at the three women who were watching him, unable to hear Elizabeth. For whatever reason, they'd been issued with Atlantis standard clothing, but no earpieces. "Yes, they're here."

"Teyla as well?"

"No, she went to shower."

In the background, he heard Elizabeth giving orders for the marines to locate Teyla. "Elizabeth?"

"We just got a call from off-world," she said, sounding more than a little grim. "And someone who knows our IDC codes and looks like Teyla has just walked out of the Stargate."

_Uh-oh._

- **TBC** -

6


	3. Chapter 3

**SUMMARY**: Two times Teyla - tricky!

**Genes In A Twist - Part Three**

If Elizabeth was shocked at the transformation of the men she knew, the appearance of Teyla through the Stargate - again - was even more shocking.

The marines had their weapons up and pointed at the woman before she'd taken more than two steps into the city. As she saw the weapons rise, Teyla dropped the items she'd been carrying, lifting her hands to show she wasn't a threat, and lifting her eyes to Elizabeth's balcony in wary question. "Dr. Weir?"

"Teyla?" Elizabeth rested her hands on the metal railing for balance, staring down at the figure on the floor. She hurried down to the Gateroom floor. "Teyla?"

This Teyla looked considerably the worse for wear; her hair roughly tied back, her skin smudged with dirt and her fatigues loose and grubby. But the steady gaze that looked back at Elizabeth was very familiar. "Is there something wrong, Dr. Weir?"

"Where--?" Elizabeth caught herself. Until now, she'd thought the three women really were the Colonel, Rodney, and Ronon. They'd certainly behaved enough like them, and she had been seeing faint glimpses of the men they'd been yesterday in the women they were today.

"I do not know where Colonel Sheppard and the others are," Teyla said immediately. "We were exploring the ruins in the afternoon, when there was a flash of light. When I woke I was alone and judged it to be morning." She indicated the things she'd dropped on the floor - two flak vests and assorted weaponry. "I did not see what happened to them, but it has taken me most of the day to release my bonds. I searched the ruins but could find no sign of them but for their equipment."

Her wrists were red and chafed, rubbed raw from the struggle, and there was a note of desperation in Teyla's voice - if it even _was_ Teyla.

Whoever this person was - whether Teyla or someone else - they were exhausted. Even as Elizabeth watched, the woman swayed slightly.

"Get her to the infirmary," she said. "We'll sort this out there."

Teyla wasn't a fool. Even if she didn't understand all the nuances of Earth culture, she was sharp enough to realise that something wasn't quite right. Rather than moving off with the marines, she regarded Elizabeth. "Dr. Weir, has there been trouble in my absence?"

"Not exactly. Teyla, please go to the infirmary and we'll sort it out."

The other woman didn't move. "And four marines are necessary to escort me there?"

Elizabeth could understand the slightly tense note in Teyla's voice. It wasn't the first time the Athosian woman had been under suspicion, although the intervening years had established her as one of the expedition. "It's a precaution, Teyla. You'll understand when you see Carson."

She wasn't so sure the other woman believed her, but Teyla lifted her chin and walked ahead of the marines, dignified as any queen.

One of the marines scooped up the dropped flak jackets as she contacted Carson. It was convenient that three of their 'mystery people' were still with him - but the absence of the other Teyla was worrying. She sent some spare marines to scour the city, looking for Teyla - _another_ Teyla that was wandering the city, then went back to her conversation with Carson. "Is there any quick test that you can perform on her to prove she is who she says she is?"

"I--" Carson hesitated. "We're just waiting for the DNA results to come back - but, Elizabeth, if this is what I suspect it won't make a difference."

She wanted to ask what he suspected right there and then. She held off. Why make him go through it twice? "I'm about to call Lorne and his team to keep an eye on things in the infirmary, and I'm heading there myself."

"All right. The PCR is done, Nurse Corell is setting up the charts - in another fifteen minutes we'll have some of our answers."

"But not the important one." Not the solution to the problem.

"No," said Carson.

Lorne and his team intercepted Teyla and the marines in one of the side corridors, so when Elizabeth got to the infirmary, the section where Carson was working was...crowded.

She dismissed the marines and closed the doors. They hissed shut behind her, sealing her in with Carson, Teyla, the sex-changed trio, one white-haired aide, and Major Lorne and his team.

Teyla was sitting on one of the gurneys, staring warily at female-John, who'd come up beside her as Carson examined her wrists. John - or Johanna - was staring warily back.

"Rope?" Carson asked.

"From our packs," she said, dragging her gaze from John's. "And well-tied. It took me some time to find the knife with which to cut them." As he let go of her wrists, she stepped carefully away from John, clearly disturbed by the lack of personal space that was being granted her. "It hurts a little when it is touched."

"It should heal clean," Carson said. "But I'd like to get some antiseptic cream on them." He turned away and began rummaging in a nearby drawer.

Teyla's team-mates had been watching her during her conversation with Carson, hawklike in their intensity. She smiled at them, brief and distant, and otherwise ignored them.

Of course, they weren't about to do the same. "Who tied you up?" John asked.

Startled at the question from an apparent stranger, a polite veil dropped over Teyla's features. "I do not believe we have met," she said.

At her words, John's expression set, the rather pretty features grim. "Oh, we've met."

"Teyla, it's us," Rodney said.

Her expression remained blank.

"Sheppard, Rodney, me," Ronon said, pointing from John to Rodney to himself.

Teyla blinked, then turned unerringly to Elizabeth, bewildered by the declaration. Elizabeth felt both amusement and pity at the other woman's confusion. "It seems that they've been...changed into women."

There was a snicker from one of Lorne's team, standing back around the edges of the infirmary. Elizabeth quelled it with a glance - or maybe it was Rodney's fierce glare. At any rate, the man subsided, although his eye still danced with amusement.

All things considered, Elizabeth was glad that most of this had been kept quiet. As the military leader of the expedition, John required respect of the men and women in his command. And, in spite of the alleged gender equality present in western society, men still commanded more respect than women with greater ease.

With her years of negotiating experience behind her, Elizabeth was very aware of this.

But she doubted any of this was in Teyla's mind as she regarded what Elizabeth had just told her with frank surprise.

"Changed?" She looked them up and down, still wary, but with a growing recognition.

"It's still us," John said. He was resting his hands on his hips the way he did any time he was waiting for something, and Elizabeth saw comprehension dawn in Teyla's face as she took in his stance. "We're just...not in our bodies."

Carson had moved to Teyla's side and began smearing cream on her wrists. "Actually, Colonel, given that some of the physical characteristics have been...inherited by these bodies, it's entirely possible that you _are_ in your bodies - just the bodies you would have had if you'd been born female." He glanced at John as he put the cream aside and took up the bandages.

"But that's not _our_ bodies," Rodney argued. "I mean, we're _not_ women. We look like them, but we're not."

"And it is...you?" Teyla was still watching her team-mates, her eyes wide. She didn't find any amusement in the situation, at least, which was a sop to their pride.

"It's us," said John. "We were talking about movies on the walk to the ruins. You still haven't seen '_Nightmare on Elm Street_'."

Something in her face eased. "And I do not wish to," she replied, smiling. "As I indicated."

John muttered something about taste in movies or lack thereof, but Teyla just smiled, then turned to Carson as he finished binding her wrists, and then began putting things away.

"So who _did_ tie you up?" Rodney asked.

"I do not know," she said, easing herself back on the bed. Her shoulders slumped a little. "I remember your shout and the flash of light - from the walls. After that, I woke up and was alone in a room at the back of the ruins."

"We checked all the rooms before we left," said John.

Ronon shrugged. "Looking for our clothes," he said. "You weren't there."

"Well, you were," said Rodney, hastily. "But you were with us - unconscious and-- What are you wearing, anyway?"

For the first time, Elizabeth realised the shirt and trousers Teyla wore had clearly been made for a larger person. "My clothing was gone when I woke." She sounded slightly annoyed. "However, there were other items of clothing - I believe this is Colonel Sheppard's clothing. They were the closest fit."

"Did you bring back the rest of our stuff?" Rodney asked, looking huffy and quite comical in her annoyance. The expressions Elizabeth was used to in Rodney looked very odd on this woman who resembled him. "You know, this is quite ridiculous. We should be going back to the planet to work out what was done to us!"

"Actually," John said, her eyes resting on Teyla, "we should be looking for the other Teyla we brought back with us. Because if this is Teyla, who was the other one?"

"The other one?" Teyla looked to Elizabeth.

"They returned with another woman," she explained. "She looked like you."

"Didn't behave much like her," said Ronon.

Rodney glared over at his team-mate. "And you bring this up now?"

A nurse entered the room and began talking to Carson in a low voice, handing him a couple of folders and a sheaf of loose paper.

The shrug came from shoulders that were only slightly less broad and muscled than Ronon's usual form. "She looked like Teyla."

"And we don't look like Rodney McKay, John Sheppard or Ronon Dex - but we're still them!" Rodney exclaimed shrilly.

"Rodney, will you calm down for just a minute, please," Carson interposed without looking up from the charts the nurse had given him. "In fact, everyone sit down and be quiet!"

Rodney opened her mouth. John propelled her into a seat and rolled her eyes at Elizabeth who smiled in spite of herself. If it was weird to see her colleagues as female, it was weirder still to realise that she was almost getting used to the unfamiliar person behaving in familiar ways.

"All right," Carson said after a moment's more study. "Well, genetically, you're definitely who you used to be - the electrophoresis of your PCR shows an almost precise correlation with your original DNA tests."

Silence.

"Which means?" John asked.

"It means you're basically the same genetic person - just female." He glanced up.

"_Just_ female?" Rodney huffed. "So how do we become basically the same genetic person - just male?"

"I don't know," said Carson. "But it probably has something to do with the flash of light and whatever you touched before it went off."

"I didn't touch anything!" At the looks Rodney's team-mates gave him, he protested, "Well, nothing dangerous."

Somehow, Elizabeth doubted that. "I think we might have to ask the other Teyla," she said at last. "Since she seems to have disappeared."

"Which makes it rather difficult to ask her," Lorne noted from the side.

"The marines are looking for her through the city," said Elizabeth.

"But will they find her?"

"Uh, there may be a slight problem with that," murmured Carson.

Elizabeth focused on the doctor. "Carson?"

The doctor sighed as he set the board down on his lap. "The electrophoresis of Teyla's PCR - the other Teyla - matches Teyla's record in everything except one point."

"Her Wraith DNA?" Elizabeth asked.

Carson shook his head. "Actually, that's still there." He looked at Teyla. "However, according to this graph and our tests, Teyla is also in possession of the Ancient gene."

_The Ancient gene?_

"Teyla's got the Ancient gene?" Rodney's voice shrilled in disbelief.

"I'd say it's the person imitating Teyla who has the Ancient gene."

"And very strongly, too," Carson said. "Sue ran the gene tests twice because she didn't believe it the first time. It's even stronger than John's gene."

Elizabeth was startled. As far as they'd been able to tell, none of the Pegasus natives had the Ancient gene. To find one who had it - and stronger than John... "An Ancient?"

Carson shrugged. "It might be. Even when compared to John, it's nearly off the chart."

Ronon sat forward, the tension clear in her shoulders. "Why'd she return with us, then?"

"To watch our reactions," said John. He looked disgusted. "It's a practical joke, and she wanted to watch us and laugh." One hand made a gesture that encompassed himself, Rodney, and Ronon.

"Doesn't seem very...Ancient-like."

"It explains her mirth when she woke up." Carson said, sitting down heavily in his chair. "And I let her out into the city."

"You had no reason to know it wasn't Teyla," Elizabeth said, trying to comfort him. Her mind was already working through the ramifications. "And it might not even be a 'she', you know." They stared at her. "If you could be changed to become female, then the other Teyla might not be originally female either."

It was Lorne's turn to enter the conversation. "You mentioned an old man at the ruins."

"He was crazy!" Rodney exclaimed.

"And the Ancients can't be crazy?"

"So you're saying that a crazy, practical joker of an Ancient turned us all into women just for laughs?"

"And now has free run through Atlantis." John sat up. He both looked and sounded grim. "We need to find her."

"Agreed," Elizabeth said. "The marines are out looking--"

"With nearly forty-five minutes head start? She could be anywhere in the city by now!"

"The life-signs detector was calibrated to detect a Wraith," Teyla said, cutting across Rodney's protest. "Can it not be adjusted to show only the people in possession of the Ancient gene?"

Elizabeth smiled briefly at Teyla's offering to the conversation, but Rodney was faster to the criticism. "That would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that one-third of the expedition has the Ancient gene."

Ronon frowned. "It's still better than the whole expedition."

"And you could calibrate it so it only picks up the people with the strongest manifestation of the gene," pointed out John.

"What? Why me?"

"Because," said John with mild malice, "you're the genius around here - as you like to remind us so often."

Various smiles and smirks appeared and were hidden, although Carson rolled his eyes and Teyla sighed.

"Oh, so when it comes to saving your ass, _then _you actually remember I'm the genius?" Rodney huffed and folded his arms. "So you're going to go out and hunt the Ancient once I've finished tinkering with the life signs detector?"

"If I have to."

"I will hunt her down," Teyla said, her voice quiet but clear in the silence.

Carson nodded. "At least there won't be any question when you've caught her."

"I'll help," Ronon offered immediately.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to veto that idea and was beaten to it by John. "Uh, no offence, Teyla, Ronon, but neither of you have the Ancient gene at all."

"So?"

"So you can't use the life-signs detector."

"And neither you nor Ronon will be going anywhere into Atlantis to hunt down an Ancient." Both women stared at Carson, their expressions disbelieving. "I'm sorry, but you're not yourselves."

"We're fine," said John. Elizabeth winced at his belligerence. "And we'll be much better if we're allowed to hunt this prankster down."

"You are not accustomed to those bodies," Teyla said.

"We still know how to fight." Elizabeth thought it odd how Ronon could still growl as an alto.

Teyla stood and moved into a clear space in the centre of the room. "Then come at me."

Under any other circumstances, Elizabeth would have said it was suicide. Ronon was a match for everyone in the base except for Teyla.

But when Ronon stood and lunged at Teyla, she turned easily and used the momentum of the attack to unbalance her team-mate. Ronon sprawled on the floor, although he rolled and was back on his feet again. He - _she_ - bounded in again, lashing out with one fist, and was easily blocked - without any effort. Elizabeth didn't know much about fighting, but even she could see the way Ronon was trying to use a weight and reach that didn't belong to him in this form.

Ronon was laid out within seconds, easily vanquished. "Do you understand?" Teyla asked.

He understood. He didn't like it, but he saw. Dark eyes blinked in angry understanding of the point, and Elizabeth regretted the necessity of the example.

Teyla held out a hand to pull Ronon up. "You know how to fight in the body you had," she said, solemn as a teacher lecturing a student. "Not in this one." Ronon made a grumpy noise and dusted himself off. He seemed only a little self-conscious at being beaten, although Elizabeth gathered that it was okay for him to be shown up by Teyla. If it had been one of the men, it might have been a different story, but Teyla was okay.

"So we're basically stuck here," said John with a huff.

"I'm afraid so, Colonel," Carson said. "Elizabeth?"

"Major Lorne will accompany Teyla," she said. "He's got the gene to operate the detector."

Lorne glanced at Teyla, then back at Elizabeth. "Necessary force?"

"Disable," John said. "Don't kill." The expression on her_ - his_ - face was tense, but Elizabeth suspected that John understood he'd just be in the way.

"Dr. Weir?"

Elizabeth found Teyla looking at her, waiting for the formal approval. She appreciated the gesture. "Do it."

Teyla met Major Lorne's gaze. "I must change into my own clothing first."

"You go do whatever you need to," he said easily. "McKay still has to get the life-signs detector recalibrated."

For the first time since she'd arrived through the gate, Teyla's mouth curved in a smile. Even the sight of her formerly male team-mates hadn't been cause for laughter to her. "So there is time for me to have a wash?"

Lorne glanced at Elizabeth, who nodded, half-smiling herself at the Athosian woman's plain desire to be clean again. "Yeah, guess so."

"Colonel, Major, Ronon, I'd appreciate your assistance in mapping out search patterns through the city," she said.

Technically, Ronon wasn't necessary, but it would give him something to occupy himself - and it would be better than watching him - or her - pace in caged frustration. As he'd said to Elizabeth once before, he didn't deal well with waiting.

"Rodney--"

He held up a hand. "Yes, I'll get the calibrations done. I'll probably have to set up in the conference room - it's the only place close enough. Get Miller to bring one of the control laptops in and I'll work on it there."

"How long will it take?"

"Oh, thirty minutes, maybe an hour."

Elizabeth looked around the room, a glance to be sure everyone knew what they were supposed to be doing. "Then let's get things moving."

--

Teyla moved briskly from the infirmary, eager for a shower and some clothes that fit her properly.

Her day had begun on cold stone, waking naked and uncomfortable with her hands tied behind her and her ankles bound. Her body ached from the cold and from scrapes she'd incurred while toiling to release herself, and from the weariness that came from a lack of a good night's sleep.

Relief filled her as she started out the infirmary towards her rooms. Even the presence of Sergeant Dachaus didn't dismay her. She would go to her room and collect some fresh clothing, and then shower and return to the conference room before hunting down this person who had taken on her form to deceive the city.

"Teyla?"

She turned at the call and waited as Colonel Sheppard came up to her in the corridor, familiar motion in an unfamiliar form.

He had lost none of his height, but the face that looked back at her looked only vaguely like the man she was accustomed to. It was as though she was looking at a relative, perhaps a sibling.

"Colonel."

"Ah, I have a confession to make..." The Colonel glanced over her shoulder at Sergeant Dachaus, then took Teyla's arm and led her a little further away, out of earshot of the Sergeant. Teyla shot a reassuring smile at the man then looked back at John. "I raided your wardrobe."

She arched a brow. "You took my clothing."

"Not any of your Athosian stuff. But...I needed support."

_Support?_ Teyla was momentarily confused, then followed to where John was looking. On himself, not her. _Ah._ She bit back a smile as he continued.

"One of the nurses found some stuff for Rodney and Ronon, but the stuff she had for me was...a bit large. And I figured that we were about the...same size and..."

Teyla was tempted to ask how he had estimated that. In female form, he had lost some of the depth of his chest - not counting the addition of breasts, and they _were_ of similar sizes and body shapes, but she would not have expected such a calculation on his part. In the end, she chose not to question it - as Charin had once said, there were things it was better not to know. "Did you find something to suit you?"

"Yeah," John said, and although the voice was very different, there was no mistaking the relief in it. "I'll get it back to you at the end of all this."

He sounded more than a little depressed and Teyla hastened to assure him. "It will not be long. And it is not so bad being a woman, surely?" Her sense of mischief made her add the tail question.

"We're not even going to go there," said John, and this time it took only a little imagination for Teyla to both see and hear him in his male form. "You'll kick my ass, female or not."

"You should be accustomed to me doing that in any case."

"Then this is saving my ass at least one kicking."

Teyla smiled and turned away. "I will see you in the briefing room once I have showered and changed."

She got one step away before she heard him add, "Nice selection of underwear by the way."

Teyla stopped and turned back, knowing that she was flushing and only hoping that her skin was not showing it too clearly. She had forgotten about the other items in that section of her wardrobe. "Those are joke gifts by the other Atlantean women," she explained.

"Oh?"

It would take too long to explain why the tradition had begun, let alone why she kept the highly impractical items. Instead, she took the opportunity to tweak his chain. "You are welcome to borrow any of them if you wish, John," she told him sweetly.

The hazel eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to say something, then stopped and looked away. "Oh, I don't think that'll be necessary. I'll...ah...I'll see you in the briefing room, later."

He almost ran away, hurrying along with familiar brisk strides in an unfamiliar body.

Teyla shook her head, smiling to herself. John was a handsome man, but the woman was...disconcerting. Or perhaps it was just her perception of it. Sergeant Dachaus had no compunction about watching the swing of John's retreat. She wondered if the Sergeant had yet realised that the body he was admiring might be female, but the mind inside it was male.

She wondered if it made a difference.

Continuing on, she reflected that appearance was one part of attraction, but not the whole of it. In spite of her team-mates' changed appearances, they were still the men they had been before - merely in different packages.

And there were things to think about other than the attractiveness of her team-mates, changed or not.

Once at her room, she looked through her clothing, noting that John had not been neat in rearranging her drawer contents. She was not ordinarily a fussy woman, but seeing the disarray, she felt the urge to neaten it all out.

_There will be time for that later._

She wished to be clean - and to be rid of this clothing. The colonel's fatigues did not fit her with any degree of comfort and smelled of him in a manner she was finding both distracting and attractive. She would be very glad of her own clothing again.

Briskly selecting clothes, her muslin bag of toiletries, and her towel, Teyla strode from her room, wondering at the kind of person who would create such a situation as this and then watch it in amusement.

_One of the Ancestors,_ she thought as she turned beneath the hot shower spray, ruthlessly scrubbing down her skin and ignoring the ache of fresh scrapes and scratches. _I would not have thought it possible that one of the Ancestors might do such a thing in malice._ And yet what else could it be? What reason would there be for causing such confusion in Teyla's team-mates and impersonating Teyla?

_The ways of the Ancestors are not ours,_ said a little voice in the back of her head. _Their reasons are mysterious and beyond our understanding._

As she held her wrists under the spray, enduring the sting of the faintly salt water, Teyla reflected that she'd come a long way from the woman who'd met the strangers arriving with Halling that morning on Athos. While many of her people still revered the Ancestors, she could not. Their knowledge had produced this city and many other wondrous things, but they had also created the Wraith. Unable to fight the Wraith, they had fled elsewhere, leaving their followers prey to the enemy.

She rinsed out her hair. In the end, the Ancients were no more than men or women - wiser, perhaps, more knowledgeable, perhaps, but still prey to the faults and failings of lesser beings - of the Atlanteans, of the Gennii, of the Satedans, of the Athosians.

And she must hunt one of them down in Atlantis, capture her - or him - and persuade her to return her friends to their former state.

What was it that Laura Cadman said at times like these? _Would you like fries and a coke with that?_

She refrained from such a comment in the briefing room when Elizabeth asked if there were any questions. "There'll be several other teams looking for the other Teyla," she said, handing Teyla a length of scarlet cloth. "They have stun weapons with them and orders to shoot if you're not wearing this."

Teyla nodded. It was a sensible precaution. "The detector is working?" She asked as she tied the cloth around her hair, slipping it under the elastic so it wouldn't fall out, even if she was fighting.

"Of course it's working." Rodney said. It was strange to see and hear his petulance coming from a woman. Stranger still to see Rodney with hair - short and slightly fluffy, but far more of it than he was wont to have in male form. "It's showing the strongest Ancient genes in the city - which is the Ancient, Sheppard, and Dr. Ibsen, but she's been called to the infirmary for the duration of your hunt, so don't head for the infirmary."

Major Lorne was studying the detector Rodney had handed to him. As Rodney directed his comments at the Major, Teyla bit back a smile. In his eagerness to point out the details of what he had done, Rodney's breast pressed against the Major's shoulder and the Major shifted away while the other man - now female - chattered on.

A glance at Elizabeth showed a similar twinkle in green eyes at Rodney's oblivion. They would laugh over this later, in private - a shared moment of amusement at the cost of their colleagues.

"You will be watching from here or the control room?"

"Here," said Elizabeth. "As I understand it, there's a fair bit of gossip, but nobody's yet gotten hold of the whole story."

"And shouldn't until after we're back to normal," the Colonel said, her voice firm and clear. "We'll be watching, though - Miller's patched the city's life-signs detector through to this conference room so we'll be in contact." He tapped his earpiece.

Teyla nodded as she tucked back a strand of hair, checking that her earpiece was firmly fixed and looked at Major Lorne who was looking slightly overloaded with all Rodney's instructions. "Major?"

He shrugged. "I'll work it out as we go along."

With his guidance, they moved swiftly through the city, headed directly for the strongest signal on the detector. Teyla met a few marines also moving through the city, although they seemed content to let her and Major Lorne take the lead.

"They're co-ordinating the marines to act as a perimeter guard," said the Major at her query when another set of marines intercepted them and fell into line behind them. "They'll keep an eye on the bottlenecks for us."

But it was up to her to capture this Ancient.

She wondered what her people would say if they knew she was intending to capture one of the Ancestors. Was it even possible to capture one of the Ancestors? Perhaps she would be struck down dead the instant she touched her. _Or him._

Lorne indicated a specific corridor and she moved towards it on wary feet, he and the marines following behind. She blocked them out of her consciousness, stretching her senses ahead, ready for whatever might come.

Behind her, she heard Lorne speaking into his headset, the words audible both in her headset and behind her. "Can we close off rooms ahead of the subject - or seal off the corridors behind us so she can't double-back?"

"We should be able to--" It took a moment for Teyla to recognise the unfamiliar voice: Rodney, working on something.

"She's a few rooms ahead of you, Teyla." That was Colonel Sheppard. He - or she - paused as a lower voice - still female - commented from further out in the room. "Ronon says we can do a 'Rangoon Triad' - whatever the hell that is..."

"I understand," she said. "If you allow it, ask him to set it up."

During their times on missions and off, Ronon had told her quite a bit about Sateda - his people's way of life, the procedures in his fighting squadron, the hunts and tactics they'd developed when the Wraith came to Sateda and began hunting down Ronon and his people. Teyla was surprised he had not discussed such things with Colonel Sheppard, whom she had imagined would be interested in such things. Then again, among her own people, she had observed it was often easier for boys to relate things of pride to older sisters than older brothers.

A Rangoon Triad was nothing more than bringing an enemy to you by making their alternative exits less enticing.

The Ancient they were hunting appeared to be remaining where she was. That would change once they had her in their grasp--

Something slammed into her with powerful force - harder than a Wraith stunner and twice as painful. Teyla screamed as every cell protested, agony throughout her body. Then there was only silence.

- **TBC** -

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**: I don't usually respond to the comments on my fics, but **wella **gets full marks for good guessing skills!


	4. Chapter 4

**SUMMARY**: Getting things back to normal. Sort of.

**Genes In A Twist - Part Four**

Teyla woke on cold stone again.

The rough-hewn face of the stone scraped against her cheek as she rolled over, opening her eyes. Then she sat up, alarmed as her eyes took in her surroundings.

She was back in the ruins, in the same room where she'd woken up this morning.

Her head was spinning - she had sat up too fast - and she put a hand out to steady herself, then realised that this time, at least, her hands were not bound and she was clothed. That indignity had been spared her.

There were noises in the other room and no sign of the pile of clothing and vests. Her head felt muzzy, heavy, as though some great weight was pressing on her mind. Why was she here, back on the planet, in the ruins where she'd woken up alone this morning?

As she climbed to her feet, she felt something _prodding _at her mind. Alarmed, she groped for the stunner she'd had in Atlantis, only to find it gone.

_It wouldn't help you anyway._

Teyla whirled around, looking for the speaker before she realised she wasn't hearing the voice with her ears. "Who is there?"

She saw the shadows beyond the doorway shift and move, coalescing into the form of a man.

Teyla recognised him.

They'd arrived on the planet and walked to the ruins, only to find an elderly man camped in the aged structure. While Rodney sniffed in disgust - then gagged in distaste at the scent of the man - the Colonel and Teyla had attempted to communicate with the stranger. He had capered and cavorted, chattering much like a hairy little creature Teyla had once seen kept in a cage - the Atlanteans called them 'monkeys'.

The man before her was as like to that eccentric elder as a face to the reflection it made in a dark pool. He stood straight and tall, in the prime of his life, not the sunset of his years, and the dark eyes rested on her with a disconcerting clarity.

_I'm no more a monkey than you, my dear._ The rich, resonant tones of his voice echoed in her mind. _And you already know what I am._

One of her people's beloved 'Ancestors' - and yet not the kind of Ancestor that Teyla had been taught to revere and admire. This one had taken on her face and form in order to deceive her friends, had put them into stranger bodies, leaving them there.

"Why?"

He shrugged, and she noticed he was dressed in something that resembled the fatigues worn by the Atlanteans. _Because._

She had heard such answers to questions in Atlantis - usually between friends and when a longer answer was either not practical or could not be explained.

"That is no answer."

_No, _he agreed pleasantly. _But I have been here for a long time, and reasons have come to matter less and less._

Teyla heard the bitterness in his voice - or sensed it. She also sensed that this place - these ruins in which they stood - were not quite what it seemed. While the dirty stone and bone-chilling cold was familiar, there was something different about the place - something she could not quite sense, but was aware of all the same.

_Were you one of us, you'd feel it,_ the Ancestor said, amused. _Although you have remarkable instincts. We're still in Atlantis. I've just brought you here for the moment._

"And my body?"

He tilted his head as though listening for something. Teyla tried to listen, but could hear nothing at all.

_They are tending to it now,_ he replied after a moment. _You will come to no harm, but I wished speech with one of you, and you were both close and open. Your Colonel Sheppard would have been a more obvious choice, but he is...discomfited by his bodily state._

"You changed him - and the others - because you wished to enjoy their discomfort." She wasn't sure how she knew that, only that she did. "You took on my body--"

_Why create a show that one cannot watch?_ One hand made a gesture of dismissal. _But I did not realise you came from Atlantis._

"Would it have made a difference in your actions?"

A hesitation, so slight that it was barely noticeable. _I do not know. But it makes a difference now. I brought you here because I have a bargain to make._

Teyla regarded him squarely. "It is not I with whom you must bargain. The choice is not up to me."

_I know. But you will be my messenger to them. They will trust you as they would not trust me._

A part of her was pleased that he should think she had such weight in the expedition, but Teyla was still wary. "And why should I trust you now, given what you have done to my friends?"

_Because I will show you how to change them back_, he said.

"And I can trust you in this?"

_We are in your mind,_ he said. _Here, I cannot lie to you. I swear by my people - the Ancestors whom you have revered so long._

"I do not revere them anymore."

_Not as the rest of your people. But you still have respect for them and all they have done, don't you?_ The Ancestor smiled.

She did. That did not mean she trusted this one. "Why will you not change them back yourself?"

His expression changed. Subtly, but the effect was startling. Teyla felt his delight in Atlantis, even here in this perception of her mind.

Without needing to be told, she knew of his studies in Atlantis, thousands of years past. Before the city had been sunk beneath the waves to protect it from the Wraith, he had been banished from his people for the pranks he played. They had forbidden his return and he had settled here, to tinker with his projects and gain what amusement he might from those who came seeking the 'madman of the devices'.

She could feel his wonder, his yearning for a place that had once been as familiar to him as the wilds of Athos had been to her. Both had been lost - his place in Atlantis to banishment, her time in Athos to the invasion of the Wraith and the vicious destruction of the land she'd known.

He wanted to return to Atlantis - or, rather, to remain in Atlantis now that he was there. And what was impossible for her was possible for him.

_I have been alone for too long,_ he said. _And though I was banished from among my people, they are long gone from Atlantis. I am free to return if your friends will allow it._

Teyla regarded him. His yearning was a palpable thing to her. The lonely ache penetrated her animosity towards him for the trick he'd perpetrated on her friends - and for the theft of her body and the deception he'd then practised upon those in the city. She understood what it was to live apart from her people.

Still, the reason she had been hunting him was the reason he had been banished from Atlantis once before.

"Return and continue the tricks that had you banished from the others?"

He shook his head. _No more tricks,_ he said, and again, Teyla felt the ache. _I only wish to return home._

She was not wholly convinced that he was trustworthy, especially once his time 'at home' palled and grew tiresome. But against the balance of her team-mates' health and sanity, she had little choice.

"You will return them to their true forms?"

_I will show you how to do it._

"Then I will take your proposal to them."

--

Carson wasn't convinced Teyla was as fine as she claimed she was, but he let it pass for the moment. Her news was certainly exciting.

"An Ancient in the city?" Elizabeth asked, looking like someone had given her a right good whack upside her head.

"One that we get to keep," said Rodney with a filthy look in Sheppard's direction.

Sheppard returned the look right back. "She's not a pet, Rodney."

"_He_ is not a pet," Teyla corrected, resting her hands on the table. "He thinks of himself as male, whatever the body he is in."

The body the Ancient was presently in was Teyla's.

She'd been oddly serene since she 'woke up' from the trance into which she'd collapsed during the hunt. According to her, the Ancient had 'hit' her with what sounded like a mental blackout, transporting her mind to somewhere he could make his offer. From the point of view of Major Lorne and the marines, she'd just folded up, neat as an accordion.

"And he showed you how to change them back?" Elizabeth asked. "Doesn't he want to...change back himself?"

Teyla shrugged. "He said that the form in which he resides makes little difference."

"Even with the trace Wraith gene?" Carson asked. It would be easy to get diverted from the main topic of conversation - namely the bargain the Ancient was offering, but he was curious about this one thing.

"He did not seem to feel it was something about which he should be concerned," said Teyla. "I did not ask further."

Elizabeth glanced first at Sheppard, then back to Teyla. "An Ancient in the city would be more than welcome, but, Teyla, he's...well..."

"He looks like you," Carson said simply. "Down to the genetic level with the exception of the Ancient gene. Which is going to more than a little confusion if we have someone who looks like you wandering through the city."

Teyla's voice rang out. "You _are_ a verbose bunch, aren't you?"

It wasn't Teyla speaking.

They all swivelled in their chairs, looking at the now-opened door of the briefing room and the Ancient who stood framed in the doorway, still aping Teyla's form.

Carson dared a quick look from Teyla to the Ancient. Apart from the clothing they wore - Teyla still had the scarlet bandanna tied in her hair - there was no visible difference between the two women. An exact replication, all the way down to the genetic level.

Carson felt a moment of purest avarice. To have a machine that could create or change genetic patterns, capable of such delicate changes in the space of hours! To completely rewrite a person's DNA - it was a find beyond their wildest dreams. He'd never thought of himself as a covetous man, but the possibilities of such a device...

Elizabeth was the first to recover, standing to welcome their guest. "Welcome to Atlantis. I'm Elizabeth Weir--"

"I know who you are," the Ancient said, her eyes taking in the briefing room. "And it's not my first time here."

"Right," Sheppard said, and his wary scepticism rang through in the higher tones of his female voice. "So, you want to stick around Atlantis?"

The Ancient didn't look at him, instead, crossing the room to poke at one of the consoles. Carson saw the marines behind her move to restrain her, saw Elizabeth's shake of the head to negate their action.

The console lit up and the Ancient grinned broadly. It was a decidedly strange expression on Teyla's face "You want me here," she said, looking up at them. "I merely sweetened the deal by offering to give you back your usual forms."

"But you want to look like Teyla," said Sheppard.

Ancient!Teyla glanced over at Teyla with a twinkle of mischief. "You don't like the way she looks, Colonel?"

Sheppard's skin tinted pink. "I have no problem with Teyla's looks," he retorted. "I have a problem if there's two people wandering around looking like her when only one of them actually _is_ her!"

"Might get them confused, eh?" The Ancient smirked - another odd expression on Teyla's face. "So, you not only want me to stay in your city and return you to your usual form, but you want me to give up this one as well?"

Carson felt a frown begin on his face, but Elizabeth was faster in pointing out the error in that statement. "You wished to stay in Atlantis in the first place."

"So I did." Another smirk. "Very well. I'll return their usual forms and return to mine, then we'll all return to Atlantis and be happy little Vegemites."

They stared. "Happy little Vegemites?"

"That's not one of your sayings?"

Carson blinked. Cautious looks were exchanged between the people at the table. One of the marines covered his mouth, hiding a smile as Sheppard said, "Not exactly, although some people around here seem to use it."

"I presumed it was one of yours." The Ancient shrugged. "So, do we have a deal or are you lovely ladies going to stay lovely ladies? I find the female form rather nice, myself - there's a lot more room down below." Dark eyes twinkled with mischief.

The marine was less successful at covering his smile this time. Lorne guffawed before he got control of himself, Elizabeth choked and her hand slipped across her mouth, and Carson found himself caught between a laugh and a wince.

By contrast, the three men - former men - shifted uncomfortably, none of them finding it amusing, and Teyla seemed more discomforted than anything else. The glances she kept giving her team-mates indicated that she found their new forms disturbing.

Then again, so did Carson.

"Elizabeth?"

"I think I can authorise this trip," Elizabeth said, her amusement back under control, although her eyes still danced with laughter. She turned to the Ancient. "But no more tricks or you won't be allowed back."

The Ancient nodded solemnly. "No tricks."

"Do you have a name?" Rodney asked, speaking for the first time since the Ancient had arrived. "I mean, we can just call you 'sir' or maybe 'hey, you' but it would probably help if we knew what to call you."

The Ancient shrugged as though it hardly made a difference. "You can call me 'Festay.'" She glanced around the room, then bounced on the balls of her feet. "So, are we going soon?"

As Carson shifted his pack in the Gateroom, he reflected that, Ancient or no, Festay resembled a kid granted a holiday outing rather than a member of a race that was already old when humans were young. The Ancient was inspecting things with all the legendary curiosity of a cat.

Carson paused next to Ronon who was watching the Ancient with a slightly disbelieving expression on his face. "Not exactly dignified, is he?."

"And we were worried we wouldn't be able to tell the Ancient apart from Teyla," Ronon muttered with a jerk of his head and shoulder.

Teyla was standing to one side, her expression slightly bemused as she watched one of her beloved Ancestors drive Rodney to distraction asking questions until the scientist declared, "Look, I'm slightly busy here on account of all those extra hormones I've got running around in my blood. I don't want to answer any questions until I'm myself again!"

"You are yourself, though," the Ancient said mildly. "You're just...a little different."

"And that 'little difference' makes a lot of difference when you're used to having much more there!" Rodney spoke a tad louder than he'd probably intended. His words were audible all the way through the gateroom and probably up to the control room as well since Elizabeth appeared on the balcony, eyebrow quirked.

"I think that comes under the heading of 'TMI'," mumbled one of Major Lorne's team, just loud enough to be heard by Rodney. A scarlet flush rose up the back of his neck and he stomped over to the other side of the Stargate, well away from the Ancient, who regarded him with a pout, then shrugged and went to hassle Teyla.

Carson wondered if Elizabeth was sure about this. If Festay's behaviour continued, he'd be more trouble than a truckload of arrogant scientists. Then again, if they didn't allow Festay to stay in Atlantis, then someone would have to show three fully grown former men how to use a tampon.

At least it wouldn't be Carson.

Elizabeth, Sheppard, and Major Lorne came down to the gateroom floor as the gate began dialling out. "You go out, change back, then return to Atlantis," Elizabeth said to Rodney. "No fiddling with the machine - you'll have time to do it later."

Rodney opened his mouth to protest.

"Rodney."

"And I suppose you want a free backrub with that?"

Rodney went red. Elizabeth went redder. "I'd appreciate it," she said as the Stargate opened, then glanced up at the control room.

For a moment, Carson wondered why they were waiting. _Telemetry data from the probe._ It looked like Elizabeth was taking no chances with this trip.

_After everything that's been going on, it's no surprise._

"Clear, ma'am, nothing in sight."

Elizabeth turned to Colonel Sheppard. "You're clear."

"Smoke us a kipper, we'll be back for breakfast," said the Colonel. Yet again, Carson was disconcertingly reminded of the man's cadences in a woman's voice.

This change back couldn't come too soon for the city personnel. He imagined it couldn't come too soon for Sheppard, Rodney, and Ronon, either.

In the hours since they'd left, the planet's weather had remained the same, although the day had moved along and it was an hour shy of twilight.

Now that he was able to look at it clearly instead of a background blur to his concern for his patient, Carson saw that the Stargate had been put in a clearing, surrounded by black tree trunks that speared up into the clear blue sky. In front of the Stargate, an old track wended its way further into the spindly forest, the shadows strong even beneath the spare leaf canopy.

"We're going to be moving pretty fast," Sheppard said, her voice lifting to be heard by the ten people on this trip. "We want to be back here by nightfall."

Carson fell in alongside the Ancient, who'd given up chivvying Teyla. He gathered that Teyla wasn't as easy a target as the guys. The fact that she was looking at her own face and body probably helped, although Teyla was a fairly unruffled person by nature. "Are you able to tell me exactly what this machine does to them?"

The Ancient tilted Teyla's head at him. "You've seen the results, Dr. Beckett."

"That's not the same as understanding the process to create the results," Carson said. "I need to know if there'll be any lasting physical problems once they're changed back." That wasn't Carson's only curiosity, but the physiological health of the three men concerned was a good place to start.

Festay shrugged. "The change is total and permanent. If we weren't going back to change them, they'd be women for the rest of their lives."

Carson didn't quite shudder. It wasn't that he had anything against women, he was just used to being a man - the same as Rodney and the others. "Does the machine...diagnose genetic anomalies? Could it be used to determine the Ancient gene - the ability you have to manipulate the technology in Atlantis - or even simulate it in people?"

"The way you've simulated it in Rodney McKay or Marc Lorne?" Festay asked lightly. "Probably. I never felt the need to give anyone that ability."

"Well, we could do with a few more example of that ability," said Carson. "The stronger the better. And someone who knows how the city operates--"

The Ancient had raised her hands - Teyla's hands - laughing. "You people _are_ single-minded! Rodney's been at me already, doctor. And this isn't the time - you're off-world, in a forest that's teeming with life... You'll have plenty of time later to corner me and ask for answers to all the mysteries of the universe."

Festay was mocking him. Carson felt a brief shaft of irritation very similar to the exasperation he often felt towards Rodney, then forced it back.

Ancient or not, Carson had the feeling Festay was going to be more trouble than they'd counted on.

--

Carson was more than a little nervous at the sheer openness of the chamber inside the ruins, especially once they walked in and the apparently-stone walls and crenellations began glowing with the familiar patterns of Ancient writings.

He wasn't the only one.

"This place gives me the creeps," muttered Lorne from a few feet away where he was waiting with his hands resting comfortably on his P-90, looking around.

"Frankly, Major, I'm more worried about the machine and when it goes off."

A grimace crossed the major's face. "I've been trying not to think about that."

Colonel Sheppard and his two team-mates were presently changing into fresh sets of clothing, large enough to accommodate their male forms for when they changed. According to Festay, it had been quite a piece of work to get them out of their clothing and into the shifts he'd had on hand for the purpose. "I'm not going to do it again," she said.

Rodney muttered something about not being asked to do it the first time, and went into the room where Teyla had been restrained. Festay had apologised about tying Teyla up. "I would have come back to get you once the joke was up, but I needed a bit of time to watch them panic. At the least, the room would have become obvious by the time they came back looking for the answers."

Teyla didn't seem impressed by the Ancient's 'thoughtfulness'. Poor Teyla - the image of her people's wise and benevolent 'Ancestors' must have been completely shattered by this affair.

Carson took a deep breath and crossed over to where Teyla was standing at the console, looking over the buttons and paddles she would have to manipulate to get her team-mates back into their usual forms. Festay was at another console, adjusting some settings.

Privately, Carson wondered if they should keep a sharper eye on Festay. The problem was that even if they did keep an eye on her, would they even know what she was doing?

"You've got the knowledge of how to do this in your head?"

She glanced up. "Yes. It is...linked, I think. When I perform one action, the next action comes into my mind." Her hand moved over the console, although she didn't actually touch any of the buttons. "It is...a new way of receiving information."

"And you're able to activate it?"

"Festay claims I do not need the gene to work this," said Teyla. Her eyes flickered over to where Festay was humming to herself. "I am unsure whether or not to believe her."

Carson nodded. "We don't have much choice, do we?"

"No," Teyla said soberly.

"Do they always take this long to change?" Festay asked, her voice echoing through the circular room.

"I'm ready," Ronon commented as she strode out of the side room where she'd been changing. Ronon was holding his usually snug leathers up, and had adopted a slightly shuffling gait to stop from tripping over the hems now much longer than her legs.

Sheppard didn't look like he was having quite the same kind of trouble. Carson gathered that the few inches the Colonel had lost - other than _those_ inches - had been from his torso, leaving his legs more or less the same length. "Let's do this."

Rodney stumbled out of his change room a minute later, grumbling about hips and breasts and the inconvenience of them.

"Look at it this way, Rodney," Sheppard said as Festay finished her modifications over by the other console and headed into the 'change circle' marked into the parquetry of the stone floor. "At least you don't have to wear a bra the rest of the time."

"Why would I have to wear a bra the rest of the time?" Rodney asked shortly as she joined her team-mates in the circle.

"Well, if you had man-boobs," said Sheppard with a casual grin.

Carson choked as Rodney gave the other woman a filthy look. "Can we get this over and done with?"

Festay laughed. "Teyla, if you would do the honours?"

"You are certain that this will not harm the others?" Teyla said. "Dr. Beckett, Major Lorne, and myself?"

"I'm certain."

All the same, Carson moved back behind Teyla as Lorne shuffled back to the wall. Lorne's men had been left outside to keep an eye on the building and the incipient nightfall. One way or the other, they should have been safe enough.

Teyla hesitated and Rodney lost his temper. "Teyla, just hit the damn buttons!"

With a dark look at her team-mate, Teyla's pressed the first switch. Her hands moved over the console, hesitant at first, then with greater certainty. Carson looked around in confusion as the walls began humming.

"That's usual," Festay dismissed. "It's coming now--"

Everything went bright and stayed that way for what seemed like a long time.

When it faded, there were voices.

"I believe he is awake," Teyla said. Her voice sounded distant, as though it was through a veil. "Dr. Beckett?"

Carson opened his eyes slowly, although it seemed relatively dark beyond the light behind his eyes. Teyla's shadowy form knelt over him, and she glanced up at one of the men of Major Lorne's team. "Teyla?"

"Lie still," she said, even as his mind made a slightly worried leap of memory and he jerked up, checking his body.

Still male.

_Oh, thank God._ Carson leaned back, then winced and sat himself up. "The others..."

She glanced over her shoulder. "They are returned to themselves. Or so it seems."

"Sheppard's still out," came the familiar rumble of Ronon's voice. "Might be the Ancient gene."

Rodney's familiar petulance was almost a relief. "And you're basing this theory on what, exactly?"

"It's not a theory," Ronon said mildly. "I just said it might be the Ancient gene that indicates how long it's taking to recover."

Sheppard has the Ancient gene, I have the Ancient gene, and Rodney and Lorne have it because we gave it to them. Ronon's back to normal... "Festay?"

Teyla hesitated. "He is gone. I have sent Lieutenant Mayhew back to the Stargate to contact Atlantis, but I am not sure--" She broke off and looked away.

"Teyla?" There was something worrying about her hesitation.

She shook her head. "Later, Dr. Beckett. Your patients do not need you as yet." And with that she rose to her feet and went away.

A figure loomed - Sergeant Bovray. "Hand up, doc?"

"Thank you." The burly sergeant yanked him up and Carson gave the man a quick check over. "You and your men are fine?"

Over by the circle, Ronon was crouching next to Sheppard, and Teyla had just crouched down opposite him. She said something to the big man and he retorted something, then grinned and strode off, headed deeper into the ruins. Rodney had already staggered over to the console and was pressing buttons.

"Well, fine in the sense that we're still guys," Bovray said cheerfully. "Major Lorne's got a slight headache, but he's otherwise okay."

"And you didn't see the-- Festay leave?"

"Sorry, Doc. The inside of the building lit up - it was pretty bright from outside, and by the time our night vision returned and we got inside, you were all out on the floor. We'd covered all the exits we know of, but the guy might have had an escape we didn't know about."

"Not too surprising," Carson murmured to himself as he reached for his pack and the first aid kit in there. "Never mind, Sergeant. I don't think it's wise to be stumbling around this planet in the dark."

"With you there, Doc," the man said in prompt agreement. "I'll go keep an eye out for the Lieutenant."

Carson looked around, then sighed. "Rodney--"

"I know, I know," Rodney retorted from the console. "But if Sheppard's still out and we're not going anywhere-- Why isn't this working?"

"Sheppard's not out," came a mutter from the floor. "At least, not totally - my head feels like someone ran a training platoon through it, complete with twenty-pound backpacks." The Colonel sat up, then paused as he looked down at himself. "Good to be me again."

"Teyla, what did you press to get this working?" Rodney sounded frustrated.

"I'm guessing you didn't remember what Elizabeth said about not touching anything?"

"You were unconscious and I had some time." Never mind that Rodney was still holding onto the side of the console for support. Carson started over towards the scientist, then reached out and grabbed for the nearest console himself. "Teyla--"

"I do not think it will work again," Teyla said, standing and coming to Carson's side. "Dr. Beckett, please sit down. I'll see to Rodney."

"What do you mean, you'll see to me?" Rodney protested. "It's not working!"

Carson let himself be lowered to the floor. His head felt all turned about. The machine no longer worked? Or maybe it worked but was just dormant? Would it be possible to study how it did the genetic reimaging? He winced as another wave of pain throbbed through his brain, making it hard to hold onto his thoughts.

How Rodney was managing coherency, he couldn't imagine - sheer force of will, perhaps?

"When I was operating the machine, I remembered what Festay told me as he showed me what to do." Teyla briskly took the pack and elicited painkillers from it, along with a small water bottle. "It was never his intention to return to Atlantis." She handed two of the painkillers to Carson along with the water, then tossed another couple to Sheppard who smiled, winced, and took his dry.

"So he's still here?"

"No," she said as she took the last two over to Major Lorne who shook his head and pushed them away. "He said he would join the others - that his time alone had changed his outlook and his heart."

Carson stared, astonished. "He ascended?" That was one possibility they hadn't considered at all.

"If that is what you call it," Teyla said. "He had forgotten what it was to be among his own kind again."

Rodney had paused in his frantic pushing of buttons. "And of course he made you disable this before he went all squid-glowy?"

Teyla stiffened. "I did as he showed me," she said. "It returned you to your natural form."

"And now that we're back, we've got orders to return to Atlantis," Sheppard said pointedly.

"Oh, and you're so good with orders in the first place," Rodney sneered.

Sheppard climbed to his feet slowly, testing his balance. "When they suit what I think is best," he said firmly. "Rodney, pack it in, we're going."

"Pack it--!"

"Rodney--"

"We should at least search the place for any signs of--"

"Already done," Ronon said, coming out of one of the doorways carrying a load of stuff. "There's no-one here, unless there are a few more secret chambers. But I found our equipment from the first visit." He held up what looked like jackets and flak vests. "Our weapons are there."

Sheppard nodded. "We'll take them back. Rodney, we'll be back to have a look at this place again, but right now, I want home."

Carson could agree with that goal as he climbed to his feet, trying not to think of the physicals he would still have to give the Colonel and his team. And another DNA test, just to be sure. He felt a bit like he'd climbed Ben Cruachan and Stob Diamh in the last hour without so much as a bottle of water.

There was only a little protest from Rodney, and the group started back, receiving notification that Mayhew had reached the gate and contacted Atlantis.

"Hold position and we'll be with you in fifteen," Lorne reported.

Carson walked along behind Sheppard who was being rather tactile with Teyla. As yet, she hadn't smacked him down, although it looked like it might only be a matter of time. He considered it interesting to note that Ronon, and even Rodney had taken a bit of time to speak with Teyla. As the only woman of the group, it seemed that the guys wished to establish themselves as...well, guys. Which, for these three, meant establishing themselves as 'male' among the women of the expedition.

He made a mental note to give Elizabeth a warning.

"You know," he heard Bovray mutter behind him, "it's a pity we didn't get photos."

- **TBC** -


	5. Chapter 5

**SUMMARY**: Guys will be guys...

**Genes In A Twist - Part Five**

Teyla arched a brow at the photo Elizabeth handed her. "Did you not tell Colonel Sheppard that the video footage of them in the city was destroyed?"

They were in Elizabeth's quarters, retired there after the city had been 'shut down' for the night. After the day's events, it was a pleasant relief to simply be still and peaceful as they drank tea and spoke of the day.

"It was," the expedition leader said, her green eyes wide and guileless before they relaxed into a slightly wicked smile. "But these were lifted before the deletion," she said, "for posterity's sake. While the SGC has seem body-switching experiences before, and even machines to genetically modify people, we've never encountered technology that could change men to women and back again."

"We still have the machine," Teyla said, studying the slightly grainy photo of her team-mates in their female forms. Exceptional individuals, whether male or female - although they clearly preferred to be male.

Teyla could not imagine being male. She was not sure she would wish to be male, either. Her body was her own and she was comfortable and familiar in it. To change that would be...strange.

"If we can get it to work," murmured Elizabeth, pouring out another cup of herbal tea. Teyla waved her hand to stop Elizabeth pouring out another cup for her.

Teyla had given the other woman the herbal set after her last visit to the mainland. It was rich and slightly spicy in flavour, but calmed the nerves and alerted the senses - something that Teyla had felt Dr. Weir might appreciate in her role as Atlantis' leader.

"You do not share Rodney's belief that he can get it working again?"

Elizabeth looked weary. Dealing with Rodney from a position of seniority seemed an exhausting task. Colonel Sheppard certainly seemed to work well enough with Rodney, but even he confessed to being tired of having to manage the scientist. "Genius or not, there are some things that Rodney can't do. I suspect this is one of them. I'll probably get you and Carson back there in a few days to see if you remember anything - and Rodney should probably go... Oh, I'm not going to think about this now," she said. Her expression was briefly self-disgusted before it eased back to a faint smile. "Tomorrow, maybe."

Teyla returned the smile. Sometimes a leader had to know when to stop. "Tomorrow is a new day."

"With no mistakes in it - yet," Elizabeth smiled.

Teyla handed back the photo. "Although it is good to know that there is evidence of what happened today."

A small, secretive smile slipped onto Elizabeth's lips. "They are rather determined to ignore that anything changed."

"You did not have dinner with them."

Elizabeth winced. "Was it bad?"

"It was...frustrating." Teyla had endured the attention of her team-mates with as much self-possession as she could muster, although the urge to hit each them over the head with the tray had asserted itself more than once during the evening. They were not usually so attentive, and she had been overwhelmed by their constant contact. "Carson mentioned that they would probably be reassuring themselves of their masculinity in the next few days."

"You didn't expect it."

"Not to such a degree," sighed Teyla.

"Well, tomorrow there will be many other women for them to annoy," teased Elizabeth, smiling. "Not just you."

"I hope so." Teyla smiled as she stood. "Sleep well, Dr. Weir."

"You too, Teyla."

She made her way back to her quarters, relieved to be at the end of the day.

Only not quite.

As the doors slid back to show her room, Teyla was both astonished and displeased to find someone waiting for her. She was even less pleased to discover it was John, sitting in the tilted chair in the corner, flipping through one of the books she'd acquired about religions on Earth.

At other times, she would have thought nothing of his presence. Right now, she was tired, and with that exhaustion came a short-temper. Teyla felt she could take out her ire on him with very little provocation - and John was good at provocation when he set his mind to it.

"Yes, Colonel?"

He snapped the book shut and climbed to his feet, rubbing at the back of his head. "Uh, hey Teyla. Look, I'm sorry about the late visit, but I wanted to, you know, say thanks and...return the...the stuff I borrowed." His wave indicated a parcel on her bed, wrapped neatly in a towel. "It's washed and everything and I figured you could use the towel in the next laundry cycle--"

John was close to babbling, something he rarely did. Teyla interrupted. "Thank you for returning it so soon," she said. "I did not expect it for at least a few days." Then, because she was feeling a bit wicked, she added, "As you saw, I have plenty more."

It was hard to see in the dim lighting of the room, but he might have flushed. "Yeah, well, I thought I'd come and apologise for dinner, too. You looked a bit uncomfortable there when we were all talking at you."

At least he had noticed.

"It was...confusing." And she'd wanted nothing more than her own space. Which they'd seemed determined not to grant. "Colonel," she let her shoulders sag a little. "I am tired. You are not much more rested. Was there anything else that you wished of me?"

Too late, Teyla realised the question could be interpreted other than the innocent query she had intended.

A smile flickered across his features, then faded. "Well, I _was_ hoping..." He paused, shrugged and set his shoulders. "Never mind."

"Colonel--?"

"It's okay, Teyla." he paused. "I'll see you at breakfast? 0730 hours?"

"I-- Very well," Teyla said. It seemed she would not be escaping quite so easily as she had thought. And she felt oddly ambivalent about both his presence in her rooms and the ease with which he had acceded to her request to depart.

She crossed over to the bed to unfold the towel, then paused, remembering Elizabeth's comment about them requiring 'reassurance of their masculinity' - as though any woman would be in doubt of any of the three! Still, this small thing she could do for him - a reassurance if he so wished it. "John?"

He paused at the door, surprised at being called back. "Yeah?"

It took only a few steps to cross the room, and nothing more than the slightest lift on her toes for her lips to reach his cheek. It was a light caress, brisk with affection, and accompanied by her murmur, "I am glad you are back to normal."

She saw the smirk begin on his lips - just before she gently nudged him out of her room, and closed the door behind him, smiling.

- **fin** -


End file.
